The Saddest Thing I Read Today — 01.12.2021

By Q.M. Saltanat, PTB; SBMM

Today the Sindh High Court was informed that an elephant classified as a male for 12 years by the Karachi Zoo had turned out to be a female. This startling discovery was made by a German vet who had been invited to examine the condition of the elephants at the zoo. The Pakistani caretakers had been “fooled” despite the fact an oversized clitoris of the lady had been palpated inside the vestibulum which was getting exposed very often. 

I strongly recommend the German vet, while he is here, to critically examine all the owls sitting on every branch of every tree so we can be sure who’s what. The identities of some appear distinctly uncertain and the sounds they utter are no less ambiguous. Lest he be confused, the German should be briefed that our owls are not the birds of wisdom to which he might be used to in his own land — they are ulloos. We can’t seem to do anything without the help of foreigners and sometimes we even forget to inform them of the peculiarities of our culture.

But back to the sad elephants. The German vet “suggested some immediate actions including implementation of medical training into daily routine to provide proper foot care to two elephants, surgical removal of damaged and infected tusks with subsequent topic and general anti-infectious and anti-inflammatory treatment, vaccination against tetanus and other clostridium bacteria foot.” 

The elephants displayed signs of neglected body/food care and required  simple veterinary care (injections, treatment of creaked nails, wound treatments) to prevent disease manifestation and decline of general health conditions.

Quite unsurprisingly, “The Karachi Metropolitan Corporation, however, claimed that elephants had no health issues and needed no medical assistance” much as the various owlish pronouncements that our jungle riasat was in great shape and fast heading towards the best of all possible worlds as soon as they learnt how to peck/pick on EVMs.

Pāk sarzamīn shād bād / Kishwar-i ḥasīn shād bād

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